Wacky, Weird Weapons From History

This shouldn't be a surprise, but to be honest, every civilization, every government, and every military has relied on weapons to forge their identities and their places in history. With all of the debate about gun control and such, it's no wonder that weapons (Firearms in particular) have come under scrutiny for being weapons of mass death and destruction.

Now, before I get any backlash, I'd just like to tell you my stance on gun control. Or rather, my lack of one. I don't have an opinion about how guns should be dealt with. On one hand, they're capable of hurting and killing innocent people, they're too easy to find and too easy to be placed into the hands of terrible people. On the other hand, a weapon is simply a tool. A tool can do nothing unless placed in the hands of someone who knows how to use it. Yes, terrible people can use guns, but it's worth mentioning that the history of the United States was christened by gunfire, and that's at least worth mentioning.

With all of this said and done, let's throw all the arguing out the window. While guns (and weapons) have carved their way through history like a KA-BAR knife through butter, it's worth mentioning that not all weapons are created equal. It does depend on the person wielding them, but when you consider what the person is wielding, it wouldn't hurt to examine the person, too. You get what I'm saying? Of course you do. I looked at Reddit for about ten minutes to find what I needed for this blog. I'm smart!

I've got a face you can trust! #afaceyoucantrust

Let's start off with something simple:

Insert ancient meme about x being in x, making x^2

Yes. This is a revolver. A double revolver, to be more exact. It's a revolver within a revolver. This was made by Joseph Enouy in 1855. From what little information I could gather, there are only one of these things in existence, which is both sad, but relieving.

You can understand why this came to be, if you're anything like me and love history. You see, back in 1855, there were no automatic pistols, no machine guns, nothing you'd recognize. Before the days of the self-contained round (Which came with the bullet, primer, and powder all in one neat package) you had to load each bullet in with the powder, pack it down a tube, try and make a spark, and pray to whatever you found holy that the thing wouldn't blow up in your face.

Rapid fire wasn't really a thing either. If you wanted to shoot faster, you'd either have multiple barrels, or just make the thingy that holds the bullets spin. This is where the revolver comes in. Then, one day, and Englishman named Joseph Enouy said "Let's take the whole thing that spins... And we make it spin".

Ridiculous concept aside, imagine carrying this. In one hand, no less. Comparing it to the Colt 1851 Navy, I'm gonna estimate that this thing weighs about... I'm gonna be nice and say about eight pounds. That's being conservative, if you ask me. That's about the weight of a rifle, and you're carrying this thing in one hand. It's too chunky and too heavy to defend yourself with, and no respected soldier would go into battle with this. It probably makes a neat paperweight, though. Imagine John Wayne trying to carry this thing in a movie set. He'd probably beg the director for something lighter, and punch the writer in the face, pilgrim.

Remember what I told you about multiple barrels?

This is Napoleon's pocket pistol. He carried it for self-defense. You'd think a guy like Napoleon Bonaparte would be a little less humble when it comes to defending himself. I imagine he'd rather have the previous weapon on this list. Hell, he'd probably run into battle with it, making gun noises. While the old joke about Napoleon being short is historically inaccurate, his massive ego was nothing to be sneezed at. Or shot at. Or exiled at. You can tell that he wanted to protect himself. Tangent: Can the President carry a gun to defend himself?

I imagine Trump would carry a gun. Like, something over-the-top. (Not unlike what Napoleon would have wanted) An American-made, over-the-top, double-barreled pistol, or something. Luckily, that's something of a myth-

Run for the hills, hippies!

Yeah, I know, I've been talking about guns a lot in this blog. Maybe I could balance it out a bit?

Can I get one in a smaller size?

A long time ago, in the 16th century, there was a man named Pier Gerlofs Donia, a Frisian pirate and all-around butt-kicker. This dude was a farmer. He then got tired of being a farmer, then decided to rebel. He was known for being large, strong, and in charge. The result? This sword was crafted to better suit him. As far as I can tell, this is the largest sword ever used in battle. The blade itself is five feet long, and the whole thing weighs about 15 pounds. That's remarkable, even for swords of this category, called "Greatswords". They are great swords, but they're also greatswords. You get what I mean. 

To be honest, Frisia isn't that large... Or populated... Or really... Much of anything. (Sorry to all Frisians out there. All twelve of you.) So it makes one wonder why one needed a sword that large. One swing, and half of the population of Frisia is now on the ground, split in half. It must have been a small rebellion, but again, what do I know?

Thankfully, there are so many wacky, weird weapons from history, that this blog post is bound to have sequels. More imaginary internet money for me!

Double-Barreled M1911 photo published by Guns and Ammo

All other pictures are from Wikipedia and are public domain, no rights reserved.