Jack's Top 14 Worst Halloween Candies

Last year, I did a list on the greatest Halloween candies. A recurring theme of this year is "the exact opposite". So, I'm switching things around to create a list of the top 14 worst candies.Without further ado, here's my picks for the Top 14 Worst Halloween Candies.

14. Gimmick Candy

These rank low on the list, because they're mostly just novelties, and aren't supposed to taste good. That being said, if you create candy that's supposed to taste awful, just remember that there are people in this world that are starving to death.

13. Jelly Beans

These are an Easter candy, not a Halloween candy.

12. Candy Canes

These are a Christmas candy, not a Halloween candy.

11. Werther's Originals

I'm not 93 years old, Mrs. Johnson. 

10. Gum

No, I'm not talking about bubblegum. I'm talking about breath-freshening gum. The kind that you can't blow bubbles with. Boring.

9. Candy Buttons

Speaking of boring, candy buttons. They're not fun flavors, they're not fun shapes. Boring.

8. Good & Plenty

The candy that looks like pills and doesn't taste much better, Good & Plentys are like the disappointing older cousins of Mike and Ikes.

7. Any Coconut Candy

I hate coconut candy. I hate the taste, consistency, and the very idea of coconut. Next, please.

6. Necco Wafers

I'm pretty sure this is what sadness tastes like.

5. Wax Candies

This is more of a disappointing candy than a bad candy. Yes, it's nice that it has the candy liquid inside, but there's so little of it, it doesn't really make a difference. What are you left with? Wax. Eat the wax, expel the wax however you like. Doesn't matter, you ate wax.

4. Circus Peanuts

No. 

3. Candy Corn

There are some people who like candy corn, and there are some people who think Flatliners was a good movie. The only thing "Corn" about this candy is the corn syrup taste and nothing else. I think Lewis Black said it best:

2. Bertie Botts Every Flavor Beans/Bean-Boozled

Okay. If you're at a party, these can be fun, but if you hand these out at Halloween along with other jelly beans (Which you shouldn't hand out in the first place) you're a monster. I loved Harry Potter as a child, and I still sort of do. When I prayed to experience the magic for myself, I didn't mean having to taste a sardine-flavored candy. 

At least with the Harry Potter ones, you could tell which ones you were gonna get. With Bean-Boozled, it's a 50/50 shot with some of the worst flavors ever. I tasted the spoiled milk bean, and I didn't want to exist anymore. 

These are more of a novelty candy, but they stand out so much, they had to be put higher on the list.

1. Things that aren't candy/edible.

 

You know what I'm talking about. Instead of candy, you get something made of plastic. For me, the worst offender on this list are those stupid little spider rings. First of all, you couldn't eat them. Second, it was a crap-shoot if they actually fit on your finger. Third, even if they did, the poorly-molded plastic was so jagged and sharp that it would hurt!

And let's not forget about the ass-face who gave out toothbrushes and granola bars. 

No. It's not a Happy Halloween anymore, ass-face.