Jack's Top 15 Favorite Halloween Candies!

Yeah, I'm about 250 pounds, but I don't care. Candy is delicious, good for your soul, and way better for immediate relief than drugs or alcohol. What better way to celebrate the spooky season than showing you sugary treats to shove down your gobs, come the night of All Hallows Eve?

Honorable Mentions:

The treats that didn't quite make it. While not inherently good or bad, they're just not good enough. However, through either flavor, gimmick, or something else, they'll have a special place in this season of spooky. 

Toxic Waste

"The Sourest Candy in the World" is just that. Not really big on flavor, but my, oh my, does it sting when you put two of them in your mouth at the same time. No joke, one time, after trying to handle three of them in my mouth, my tongue actually started to bleed. I'm not even joking, this is strong stuff. It's not easy to find, but if you enjoy hurting yourself and melting your taste buds, this is the candy for you.

Scorpion Lollipops

And now, for a different kind of bite, while the candy itself isn't very good, having a bland blueberry, strawberry, or green apple taste, it's primarily a novelty candy, and should be certain to scare the pants off a kid when he finds it in his plastic pumpkin.

Candy Corn

Not many people like these. I don't either. Some people do, and those people are Stalinists Aliens rare to come by. They're sweet, but something's off about them.

Oreos

Are they cookies? Yes. Are they delicious? Yes. Are cookies technically candy? I say no. Sorry, Oreo lovers (I'm looking at you, Nick and Tony) but Oreos, even of the Halloween variety, are going to have to be on a list of best cookies or comfort foods, if I'm ever inclined to believe that I could or should make such a list. 

#15: Almond Joys (And by extension, Mounds)

Let's face it. Most kids hate coconut. But when they bring these home, mom and dad have plenty of reasons to dip their hands into the candy piles. When I came home with these, my dad would always ask for these, and hating coconut, I let him have it. Kids, if you're inclined to give your parents a little bit of candy, give them these. However, my mom wasn't so easily swayed by these, but we'll get to that in a minute.

#14: Butterfingers

This is proof that sweet and salty go together.

#13: Blow Pops and Tootsie Pops

I like to put these in the same category. But if I had to pick one, I'd say I prefer Blow Pops. They don't have that nasty brown flavored ones like Tootsie Pops. Is that brown flavor supposed to be chocolate? It doesn't fit or make sense.

#12: Milk Duds

Okay, I admit. These are only on here for being one of my personal favorite movie theater candies. It's not super-high on this list, because in terms of Halloween candy, I've got better candidates. Sorry, Milk Duds, in the interest of fairness, you're only this high on the list.

#11: Warheads

While certainly not as sour as Toxic Waste, it's much more available, tastier, and overall, better. These things are the kings of hard, sour candies. Put two in your mouth and see what face you make. You'll probably get famous on Instagram or something. Try it. I dare you.

#10: Nerds

I have no clue why these things are called "nerds" but it doesn't really matter. I always enjoyed ripping the top off of one of these little boxes and shooting it down my gob like a tequila shot. Tart, and just a teensy bit sour in some cases, these are fun to eat.

#9: Starbursts

These chewy, fruity candies really only have one downside. You've gotta unwrap them individually, and unlike other candies, they're not easy to unwrap. That costs it some points, but hey, it beat dozens of fruity candies I was considering.

#8: Sour Patch Kids

And now, for the best of the sour gummy candies. I was originally going to put down Sour Punch Straws, but for the life of me, I don't remember getting those for Halloween, ever. Whatever, they're both awesome.

#7: Skittles

Coming in a rainbow of variations, and by extension, a rainbow of flavors, these things are the go-to movie theater candy for many, and earns the #7 spot on this list for being plentiful in every plastic pail.

#6: Twix

Snickers, Three Musketeers, and many others were considered. But for me, I just like the simplicity of the chocolate, biscuit, and caramel. But as far as satisfying crunches go, it's just short of the next contestant.

#5: Kit Kats

We get it, Kit Kat, these things make a crunchy noise. We love the crunchy noise, and we know they make a crunchy noise. You don't have to keep selling it to us like that. We all know.

#4: Hershey's Bars

This is what makes a summer campfire special, but it's what nearly completes a night of trick-or-treating. It doesn't matter what shape or size these come in, or even if they have almonds, Hershey's is the company it is today thanks to this chocolate bar.

#3: Tootsie Rolls

My mother, bless her heart, loves these things to death. And so do I, and so do many others. I know I mentioned the Tootsie Pop earlier in this list, but there's something special about the Tootsie Roll itself. Whether in the little individually wrapped ones, or one of those big, long ones, there's something special about being chocolatey and chewy at the same time.

Runner Up: M&M's

Yeah, they'll melt in your mouth, but they'll also melt in your pocket. I've seen it happen. Doesn't matter. Mars had the right idea, and not many candies get to become their own ice cream flavor. With so many variations around every major holiday, it's hard not to see these hard candies in a grocery store or a gas station.

Winner: Reese's Peanut Butter Cups

Do you love chocolate? Do you love peanut butter? Do you not mind your mouth getting a little dry? Not if you're like many people who love these things. Even beating Hershey's Bars and M&M's, there's no nonsense about this candy.