Thanksgiving, and What it Means

In memory of my Uncle Mike, The Greatest Friend, Brother, Son, Husband and Uncle one could ever hope for. He worked hard for decades to support his family, and what he did every single day will never, ever be forgotten. I'd make a joke about cars and heaven, but... No. A loved one like Mike is above my petty, non-important jokes. I hope you can understand why this is hard and a bit awkward to me to type down. Death is never easy to talk about or read about, but I can be certain about one thing, and one thing only. Family gatherings, especially holidays, will never be the same without Mike. He was one of the greatest parts about family gatherings, and it was always nice to see him smile and laugh. Rest in peace, Mike.

Now back to our regularly scheduled ranting on the internet. Enjoy my stupid crap.

Thanksgiving's an odd holiday. Never in my life, has a national holiday completely confused me as much as Thanksgiving has. As a kid, all I understood about it was that some white people with buckles on their hats and a bunch of Native Americans got together and ate a ton of food. It didn't work out AS well for one of the parties involved, but hey, I'm sure the pie was delicious.

Quick tangent: Why the hell do these people have buckles on their hats? Buckles are for belts, fancy women's shoes, and diaries. They're there for a specific reason; they're there for their simple purpose, to keep things tight. To keep two straps together, too. Next week, I'm writing a whole story on homonyms, so I hope you enjoy that. I will.

To me, Thanksgiving is about the two greatest things in life. Food and family. You can't live without either, and my family loves to eat. I'm proof of that, after all! So, let's go down the list of the traditional Thanksgiving foods, and my thoughts about them!

Turkey: You can't have Thanksgiving dinner, or hell, even Christmas dinner, without it. Arguably, the most delicious of the birds. Unfortunately, chicken has lost that regard decades ago. You do NOT want to know what chickens go through in those factories. I'm not even an animal rights activist, and chickens eating feed made of the nutrients in their... I don't want to spoil your appetite. You do NOT want to hear the rest of that sentence. Anywho, turkey is great! You've got two different types of meat in it, both of which taste slightly different, and give one more options when gorging oneself.

Gravy: Made from grease, makes everything better. You can pour this stuff on anything, and it'll make it better, especially an entire Thanksgiving meal, and over more gravy. I've had fantasies about taking a whole gravy boat and shotgunning it down my throat.

Mashed Potatoes: The butterier and lighter, the better. It's almost like an edible glue that can hold an entire overfilled plate together. Techinically, this makes mashed potatoes the backbone of a Thanksgiving meal!