The election is tomorrow, I've got exams and internships to take care of, and I'm almost certain Timmy's in the well again.
You know what I'd like to do for this week's post? I want to post something that doesn't have anything to do with two rich blondes from New York fighting over a house like some reality show that not even TLC would spurt out if it farted too aggressively. Like Tyson Ritter, lead singer and guitarist of the All-American Rejects, told the crowd while performing in St. Paul: "If I started to actually care, I think I'd kill myself". So, if CNN and Fox want to throw some jargon and buzzwords at the American people like they don't understand politics, I say "Screw it" and think of things that don't actually matter, but anyone in their right mind would rather think about. At least, that's my opinion.
Here's 50 things I would do if I had 50 clones of Conan O'Brian!
1. Have one of them be a chef.
2. Have all of them have different hairstyles.
3. Remake Conan the Barbarian.
4. Remake Conan the Destroyer.
5. Remake that new Conan the Barbarian remake they made like, 6 years ago.
6. Send one to Harvard, one to Yale, and one to art school.
7. Start a marching band.
8. Have Conan's desk cast in solid bronze. Don't ask me where I'll get the bronze.
9. Crash a birthday party with about a dozen of the clones.
10. Have one write this blog while I waste my time playing video games.
11. See if we can discover a new element together.
12. Start a circus of Conan clones.
13. Run a D&D session, based around Conan's life.
14. Create my own Conan-themed superhero expanded cinematic universe, including toys, about a dozen Netflix Original shows, and will confuse new audiences by introducing them to the comics, which will anger fans of the original Conan comics.
15. Have one of them claim to be female, just to see how big of a fit social media will throw.
16. Start a fashion line.
17. Lay siege to Yorktown.
18. Buy Buzzfeed, shut it down.
19. Replace Jimmy Kimmel, Jimmy Fallon, Katie Couric, Larry King, Jay Leno, Dr. Phil, those two black guys that replaced Stephen Colbert and Jon Stewart, and the entire circle of witches from The View.
20. Create a new language.
21. Create a Patreon account, just to see how many people will donate.
22. Underground gladiator pit, where two Conans fight for the glory of Rome.
23. Start a sitcom.
24. Have the original Conan be known as "Subject Alpha"
25. Create another Scooby-Doo TV series on Cartoon Network that won't last two seasons.
26. Take back Crimea from Russia.
27. Have one of them write The Communist Manifesto by hand, backwards.
28. Bake sale.
29. Run a production of Hamilton, but make ticket prices cheaper, so people can actually see it.
30. Write a book on what it's like to live in a house with 50 redheads.
31. Play with Legos.
32. Leak my cloning technology online, blame hackers.
33. Leak my cloning technology online, blame ISIL.
34. Leak my cloning technology online, blame one of the Clone-ans.
35. Trademark the term "Clone-an"
36. Finish A Song of Fire and Ice. God knows George R.R Martin won't.
37. Change that lightbulb in my room.
38. Buy about a dozen minivans. We're gonna need them.
39. Have one of the clones get super-fat, then lose weight, replacing Subway's old spokesman.
40. Invent something. I'll have plenty of time on my hands.
41. Win a Nobel Prize for cloning Conan O'Brian.
42. LARP every other weekend.
43. Civil War reenactment! (Which is basically LARPing for old people)
44. Totally screw-up secret-santa at the office by having several of the clones work there.
45. Have one of them marry into the Rothschild family.
46. Have one of them marry into the British royal family.
47. Overinflate YouTube with even more "Let's Play" channels.
48. Have one of them tuck me in at night.
49. Staring contest tournament!
50. Start a Conan-based party platform to run in 2020.
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