Fire and Ice - Movie Review

20th Century Fox - 1983

No, they're not going to swordfight during sex, despite your quick glance at the title.

In this second helping of a Bakshi movie this month, we'll be taking a look at the animated fantasy epic, Fire and Ice. In my search for a truly awful Ralph Bakshi movie, I decided to take at the one that looked the most like a Conan ripoff. Believe me, those thrived in the '80s. I should also point out that I don't look at major review sites for opinions before I watch movies that I review, because I don't want to give that kind of impression. So, in the beginning of my journey, I had no clue what it'd be like.

Speaking of Conan, Roy Thomas and Gerry Conway, who wrote a few Marvel-published Conan comic books, worked on this film's screenplay. I myself have not read those comics, but I have sort of high hopes for their ability to write an epic fantasy screenplay, considering that there's two of them, and Marvel paid them more than once.

In addition, the film is a collaboration between Bakshi and artist Frank Frazetta. Frank Frazetta is mostly known for doing badass fantasy art, some of which you may have seen if you've toured a comic book shop, thrift store, or record store. Not to oversell the man, but his work is fantastic. I don't own any physical media to commemorate my love for him besides the cover of a Conan book where he's about to tear an ape-man a new one with a dagger.

Art by Frank Frazetta. Oil on Canvas. Please don't sue me.

So, is it fair after all to compare this to Conan when several Conan collaborators culminated to creatively craft? Let's find out. But first, the plot.

Also yes, it uses rotoscoping, like in American Pop. A lot of Bakshi's work does that. A lot being more than once.

First and foremost, this is your typical epic fantasy movie. Picture a typical epic fantasy movie, and you've got Fire and Ice, basically. My main gripe with Fire and Ice is the lack of new ground it treads when it comes to epic fantasy movies. Yes, it's an animated epic fantasy movie, but Ralph Bakshi did all that and more with his own version of The Lord of the Rings. In fact, this movie is so tropey at first, it almost seems like a parody of an epic fantasy.

Heroic barbarian: Check. Evil wizard with an evil-sounding name: Check. Side-character with edgy name: Check. Scantily-clad princess: Check. Basically inhuman mooks serving said evil wizard: Check. Evil force trying to swallow the forces of fire/light: Double check. When all of those elements are in play, you can almost yell a play-by-play beforehand. Normally, I wouldn't mind any of these, usually because I've seen so many Conan rip-offs and parodies over the years.

Here's the thing: This movie is not good. It is also not bad. It is painfully average. I was hoping for a massive stinker, but I got mostly nothing. It's not a bang. It's not a bust. It's a yawn. Usually, a movie like this would need to amp up the sex and violence to stand in league with Conan, but it doesn't. It's basically the margarine of Conan. The diet coke of Conan. Just one calorie. Not Conan enough.

You want me to explain the plot? Okay then. Wizard evil. Cold evil. Cold go toward warm. Warm princess good. Cold henchmen kidnap warm princess. Barbarian hero save princess. End. Average. Non-offensive.

I rate Fire and Ice a 6/10. If I did ratings in quarters, I would give it a 6.25 for it being animated and somewhat interesting because of that, but I don't do that.

Really, this movie wasn't much to talk about. I guess you could find it entertaining, but I wouldn't see many people enjoying it enough for a second helping. I sure as heck wouldn't see it a second time. For at least a while. I'm going to find a Bakshi movie that's bad or offensive to sate you all.

Go away, I'll be busy looking for a while.